Trappatoni meets Ireland at Oasis gig

Well folks, I was at Slane Castle at the weekend for the Oasis gig. Noticed Manchester City and Republic of Ireland bad-boy Stephen Ireland blagged a few free-bies off the Gallaghers! Couldn't help but imagine Republic boss Trappatoni lurking in the bushes keeping watch over his prized asset that has yet to grace his team.

Here's part of the conversation between the pair I managed to overhear at Slane after the Trap came out from stalking the Cobh clown...

... How'ya Gio "whats the story mornin' glory"

The Trap (who has been "all around the world" in football management) had a "masterplan" as he tried pleading with Stephen Ireland to "let there be love" but the "boy with the blues" snapped back "oi trappers, stop crying your heart out!"

"Where did it all go wrong?" says the trap who looks like he could "live forever" the way hes going.

Please Stephen just "stand by me".

Ireland responded, "Some might say" i don't deserve to come back after the way i've treated my country. But "Tomorrow never knows"......

"d'ya know what i mean" Trap?***

***may not have taken place

Cantona follows the seagulls to Dublin

Yours truly got to meet footballer turned moviestar Eric Cantona on Tuesday night for the Irish Premiere of his latest film 'Looking For Eric'. This was the very hairy Frenchman's first appearance in Ireland since 1995 when he was over with to see a young Manchester United side play a charity match against an International Select side at Windsor Park in Belfast (and my Dad got the plane back to Manchester with him, but that's a story for another day!).



King Cantona was late arriving to the Smithfield venue in Dublin, but that's typical Eric - leaving it late as usual. 6:30pm we were told... and true to form approximately 45 minutes later Eric makes his much anticipated arrival. It took me back to a winter's night at St James' Park in 1996 with United all but surrendering the title to Newcastle, then up popped Cantona late on to fire the Red Devils to yet another league success. He was good at that.

But tonight was all about Eric's fancy footwork on the red carpet, not the green grass of the football pitch. His red shirt of United was swapped for an all-grey attire this time - however, you have to wonder had he not learnt his lesson after the 'Grey-kit fiasco' United were embroiled in during the 90's! Never-the-less, suited and booted (Nike, by the way) the King had made his entrance much to the delight of the hundreds of jubilant fans who had turned out in force - many of whom were children who were probably wondering what the whole fuss was about. I knew what is was about, it was about a United legend. One of the greatest at that.

Even Roy Keane agreed, "Collar turned up, back straight, chest stuck out, he glided into the arena as if he owned the f**king place. Any arena, but nowhere more effectively than Old Trafford. This was his stage. He loved it, the crowd loved him. The players loved him too, for many reasons. Most importantly he got the job done."

My one regret was not getting a picture with the man himself. Autographs just don't seem as special as they did back in the day. But hey, who's complaining - I'm just delighted he graced my piece of paper with my pen!

A man of few words. A man of great phrases. Eric had it all. Who could forget... "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown in to the sea".

We knew what you meant Eric. We'll raise one of those sardines in memory of what you contributed to the world of football... and we'll throw it into the sea as a toast to your arrival on the film scene. Good luck to you, our Crazy Kung-Fu King.

Legend...

2008/09 season: A footballing review

Team of the Year - FC Barcelona. Their performance against Man Utd in the Champions League Final was phenomenal. Fully deserved to be crowned Champions of Europe, Champions of Spain and King's Cup winners. The Glorious Treble achieved.

Manager of the Year - Josep Guardiola of Barcelona. Phil Brown of Hull would have been in contention if it wasn't for a total collapse after Christmas which almost seen them relegated.

Biggest over-achievers - Liverpool. What's the name of that famous old ship that hasn't sailed into Merseyside?? The Premier-ship??

Biggest under-achievers - Newcastle United. Dreadful. Shockingly poor season. Big players, underperformed. Duff, Owen, Viduka & Martins. Big name players, but were always gracing the physio's room more often than the Newcastle pitch!

The Kevin Keegan Award for Sore Losers - Rafa Benitez. And that's a FACT.

Most hated player - Didier Drogba.

Most over-used phrase - "... and here come the World champions Manchester United". Commentators didn't half milk United's 3 match success in a mediocre competition against poor continental teams. It's just not the Champions League (a European competition which perhaps somewhat ironically, United did not win).

Most under-used phrase - "Premier League champions Liverpool". Will we ever hear this? Not as long as they keep that fat Spanish waiter in charge. Long live Manuel.

TV personality of the year - Adrian "I have more jobs than a Labour MP" Chiles.

Worst TV pundit of the year - Martin "Norvern Eyeland have no chance of qualifying" Keown

Worst TV pundit of the century - Mark "I slag the N.Ireland side at every opportunity even though I was born in Preston, work for the BBC, and have Irish grandparents" Lawrenson

Funniest moment of the season - Newcastle hiring & sacking 'King Kev', Joe "You F****** C*** journalist f****** a********" Kinnear, then when all else fails appoint Alan 'The Messiah' Shearer to guide your team to the Championship. This is a man who's CV includes sitting next to Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson (noted above) and talking a load of balls.

Biggest surprise of the season - Newcastle's demise, Hull City's rise, Rafa's lies, the Scousers' cries. Please, please, dry your eyes!!

Funniest chant of the season - "We're gonna deep-fry your criossants, deep-fry your criossants..........." (Scotland fans to France during a European Qualifier at Hampden Park).

Fattest wallet in the world - Apart from Bertie Ahern, Manchester City (cue the celebration parties at Eastlands

Biggest disgrace if you're a Linfield supporter - Getting paid by the IFA yearly only to watch on across the city as your arch rivals Glentoran take 'your' League crown!

Biggest sulk of the season - Roy Keane.

Biggest waste of money - Robbie Keane. London Victoria to Liverpool Lime Street on one of the most expensive return train tickets you'll see.

Oldest manager of the season - Giovanni "everyone's favourite Grandad" Trappatoni.

Next season's EPL champions - Chelsea. Hiddink will be forgotten.

Next season's Champions League winners - Inter Milan. Mourinho craves 'old big ears' success again. Porto seems like a long time ago now.

Team to brake the big four in England - Manchester City. At the expense of Arsenal?

Teams to be relegated - Stoke City, Burnley & Portsmouth.

Next season's FA Cup winners - Arsenal or Everton.

Next season's Carling Cup winners - Liverpool. FACT.

Next season's shock transfer - Carlos Tevez to Man City / Samuel Eto'o to Man United.

... you heard it here first folks!!

BLATTER TAKES THE PISS

Just when we thought the whole elligability row over Northern born footballers representing the Republic of Ireland had been put to bed once and for all, up pops the man in charge of football's world governing body FIFA Sepp Blatter to add to tuppence worth to the debate. The latest can of worms has been well and truly ripped opened this week and you have to wonder, what motivated the outburst?

To quote Blatter "As the Fifa legal committee understood the issue, the situation in Northern Ireland is such that all Northern Irish players could opt to play for both Association teams, given that they have a birthright to an Irish passport."

So there you are, Northern Ireland-born players can now opt to represent the Republic of Ireland if we are to take the comment at face value. NI's football association, the IFA, now get the opportunity to get young players involved in football, train them up and make them potential superstars of the game. And the punchline? Well, the FAI, who represent football in the Republic reap what the IFA have sowed. The Northern Ireland player defects to the Republic and the IFA are left to pick up the pieces. An Ireland of equals, and all that...

But only time will tell whether there will be more Darron Gibson or Mark Wilson's of the world or whether those who have thought about switching actually reverse their decision to do so as reflected in cases involving Michael O'Connor and Tony Kane. One thing is for sure, allowing players to pick and choose what side of the border they want to play in simply isn't feasable. A return to the 50's and 60's methods of both associations naming themselves 'Ireland' and choosing from the whole island made a mockery of international football on the island, and FIFA soon copped on. My advice to Sepp Blatter would be to take a step back and think about the situation for a while instead of bringing politics into it. To put in plain footballing terms, border's are there for a reason - to distinguish footballing nations from one another. There is a border in Ireland (whether you agree or disagree, that is not the issue) and associations must repect that. The FAI and IFA must work closer together on this issue and should the current Northern defections continue without FIFA santions imposed then surely the IFA should make sure there is some kind of compensation scheme put in place. That way at least when Northern Ireland lose a player to the Republic, they will be rewarded with coaching expenses etc.

But then again FIFA's official statement mentioned that the Gibson case was a 'one-off' and that in order to be eligable for a country the player must have lived in the country for at least two years or had a grandparent from that country, of which incidentally Gibson met neither condition.

So who do we believe, FIFA? Or the man in charge of FIFA?

You decide.

UP THE DUBS!!!!

Well, it's been over a year since I last blogged. And, me oh my how time flies. For a start I'm now no longer a Belfast-boy living in Liverpool studying journalism. That's because as of 17/08/08 (my birthday) I'm a Belfast-man now residing in... wait for it... DUBLIN! Ha. Yes, the big-smoke has yet another 'Nordie' to put up with these days - times, they are a-changin' folks. So far I have found the locals to be very warm and hospitable, but I have to admit the language barrier has been a real pain in the ass sometimes! Who would have known 'dowidzenia' means 'hello' in Irish? Not me, that's for sure.

On a serious note, I found getting set up with a job extremely difficult. I mean where do I start? I chose not to aim high from the start, and instead opted for the like's of Spar, HMV etc. just to get started. Even had an interview with Centra on Camden Street (I worked in their Holywood store a week previous)... a job I didn't get in the end! 'Maybe it's cuz I wasn't Polish?' But bear no grudges and all of that malarky. So, after a month or so running around the city centre I land this job with The Academy - Dublin's hottest new music venue/nightclub (allegedly...). Never pulled a pint before in my life before, so I was thinking this could be fun! It was, and still is. Got to see Sterophonics, some Abba lookalikes, Tom Baxter (who?), Johnny Vegas (he drinks heineken), Bono (he drinks budweiser... bottles mind), Glasvegas, Staind, and yer man that does Galway Girl (I'm sure that wasn't all he's famous for). But the calibre of talent they've attracted of late has been brilliant. I mean, a 20 minute set from the world renowned Eoghan Quigg, where else would you get it?

At the minute life is good. It's alot different from last year in Liverpool. For a start, the majority of Dub's don't think/talk/sleep football 24/7 like the Scousers - unless they're politely discussing last night's United v Liverpool game on Sky TV of course. That's where the problem lies. Local football is dying on it's feet, no matter how much the FAI try to cover it up. Yes, St Patrick's Athletic did fantastic last season in the UEFA Cup but trying to tempt the fans out of their houses to actually watch them was like trying to get the Orange Order down O'Connell Street - it just wasn't happening.

I was fortunate enough to be North of the border where All-Ireland fever struck East Belfast (never thought I'd be saying that!). That night St Pat's took on a resurgent Glentoran team, where the winner would qualify for the Sentata Cup semi-final (and incidently knock out Linfield in the process!). However, I counted 26 travelling fans in total. It was later confirmed to be by someone at the club that in actual fact 27 tickets were sold. I can just picture that one poor Dub wandering around Sydenham by himself asking the local hoods "alllll-roight bud howz it gooooin', story wit cha lads... now tell me dis an tell me no-more.. where's dis oval kip???"

But as I said before, we Irish don't take any pride from supporting our local game in the same way Liverpudlians do. I remember 'Red or Blue?' was the message coming out of the European capital of culture in 2008, displayed on giant billboards etc. The city was buzzing on match-day. The clubs took turns for example, it tended to be Everton at home one week, then Liverpool the next. No matter who it was, a vibrant atmosphere was guaranteed. And don't get me started on the Merseyside derby. It's puts Glens/Linfield, Bohs/Rovers to absolute shame.

Speaking of shame, what was Boxing Day all about? Yes, thats right the annual clash between Belfast's 'Big Two' was marred by violence - surprise, surprise! This time though 99% of the blame lied on so-called Glentoran fans. I say so-called because this fixture seems to be the ONLY Irish League game these young chaps attend each season. No time whatsoever so these people. It was 3-0 to the Blues at the time, why humiliate ourselves any more?? Answer: because they are not actual fans. However, along with the condemnation, came the fantasists on the Nolan Show on Radio Ulster spewing their usual 'anti-anything Northern Irish' crap. Nolan himself had to laugh. The abuse started off with the usual - "Eamon from Poleglass says the fighting between Linfield and Glentoran fans should mean we just disband the league and join with the League of Ireland, and while we're at it have an all-Ireland team" - boring, heard it all before, it's ok we know where you're from and what you're about - it's to be expected. But then, as I was starting to nod off, on comes Geraldine from the Falls to tell the country "Glentoran and Linfield fans are just as sectarian as each other, that's why there were fighting each other, they're just sectarian" - a bold statement from someone who clearly knows nothing about Irish League football (wonder if shes a DC fan?!). I'd say even Cliftonville and their prodominately catholic fanbase must have been scratching their heads at the thought of Linfield fans having a change of faith and shouting 'ya orange bastards' to the Glentoran fans! Geraldine from the Falls, we salute you.

Right, so that's the football covered and Christmas covered. At the minute it is Saturday afternoon. I'm not long out of bed (still carrying a bit of that student-itous). Getting ready to watch the Champions of the World take on the pride of Merseyside - Everton (a big thanks to Timmy Cahill for further wrecking the Red-shite's season!).

Back to work at 10pm tonight where my tips are fucking fantastic. Another big thank you all the pilled-out Dubs/Eastern Europe blow-ins. However a big thanks for nothing to all you cheapscate northerners asking me 'hay much is yer cheapest drink hi' and I say '5 euro' and you're face drops like a lead balloon. Not only am I not getting a tip off you, you're not getting drunk tonight, shit one all round.

Life of Reilly for Catholics in Norn Iron?

It seems the oppression continues 'up nort'................

God love them

THE GREATEST STRIKER IN EUROPE... FACT!

Northern Ireland striker David Healy continued to update his now legendary status in yet another special night under the floodlit Windsor Park. Having scored the winner in the giant-killers 2-1 win over 10/11 favourites Denmark, the golden boy from Killyleagh took his tally an incredible 13 goals in the 2008 European Championship qualifying campaign.

That incredible feat now see's the Fulham new-boy overtake former Croatia striker Davor Suker as the highest ALL-TIME scorer, a record that has lasted since the Euro 96 tournament.

So it's now 33 goals in 61 internationals for Healy. Not bad. Especially when you consider the size of the country he represents. Last time I checked the Northern Ireland population was 1.5 million. Heavens above, if Liverpool opened any more universities in the city it would be guaranteed to breeze past that amount!

So now that you have got the idea of the magnitude of what David has actually achieved, it might be time to arrive slowly back down to Earth. To be blunt, Northern Ireland WILL NOT qualify for Austria & Swizerland next year (you heard it here first folks). Yes, we can go off to sunny Spain with all the hope in the world, but even if we did pull off a famous victory in the Canary Islands, we still need Latvia to go to Stockholm and do a number on Sweden! Not impossible, but highly improbable nonetheless.

But with every cloud they say there's a silver lining. It appears to be the reverse with Northern Ireland. Yes, we got the win but at a cost as we'll now be without Keith Gillespie for the Spain game. He's the battler (quite litterally eh Keef) we needed in Las Palmas. And then there was Spain's 3-0 over Sweden - who were from what I saw were completely uninterested from start to finish. Oh and another thing, who the hell was the twat waving his Rangers FC scarf at the final whistle like a monkey on a '3 leet'? Get lost mate, you either go to show your support for your COUNTRY, or you don't show your face at all. And no, Peter Lovenkrands wasn't even playing either if that's what you were thinking! The logic is lost on me.)

However, back to the up-side and as it draws to a close, what a rollercoaster this campaign has given us. The fans were amazing, as per usual. Vocal. That's what was required beforehand, and that's what we continue to get time and time again at home. It's a truley unreal atmosphere, and one that which if you haven't been you MUST experience. The 16,000 home fans (wish we had room for more) cheered their team onto yet another home win at 'fortress Windsor' which was very nearly 'waterlogged Windsor' before kick-off! But hey, the swimming pool effect worked perfectly! Well done IFA... and God (not Healy, the other one).

But at the end of the day, when it's all said and done, what a truely remarkable campaign it has been from the boys in emerald green, and one man inparticular... **Salutes**... DAVID HEALY. Good times never seemed so good.

PS: Well done to a former Ashfield Boys' pupil Warren Feeney, who like myself attended the East Belfast high school. To think, he was a 5th year when I was an itsy bitsy 1st year, ah the memories! 'Feeno' you did us proud tonight.